Dear Princess Kate Of Wisconsin,
First off—we love your look. I mean really, you’re just cute as a button.
If we’re being honest (and we are), most of us are totally jealous that you’re married to the hottest man on the hill. But we’re not a bunch of haters! We can all be friends if you’ll just do one, tiny little thing for us.
Don’t be selfish, girl.
We know what you’ve got.
We appreciate you sharing your husband with America—his economic wisdom and unwavering leadership make us weak in the knees. We know you and your family could have a quiet, private life in Wisconsin petting cows and eating cheese, but your husband selflessly serves this country to the best of his ability to leave a better America for your children and ours.
Trust me, your sacrifice has not been overlooked.
But let’s get real for a moment, Janna: You’re holding back.
You’ve got the before and after P90X pictures. We know you do.
Are you really going to let America think that dated shirtless picture TMZ broke is the best you can do?
With so much at stake this November, are you really going to leave everything to the imagination of the American people?
Don’t do it for us. Do it for your country.
The Hey Girl, It’s Paul Ryan Girls (And All Women Of America If We’re Being Real)